As I stood in the pantry, washing yet another sink full of dishes, my mind began to wander.  Two of the boys were in the parlor watching tv.  One was asking his Dad for help with the homework he was supposed to do after school.  The other was roaming around the kitchen trying to grab my attention.  I couldn’t see exactly what was going on in the other rooms but I could hear it.  My heart began to ache.  It was aching because I’ve been so caught up in the non sense of life.  Washing those dishes just felt like another chore on my endless list of things that I had to get done.  The list.  The one that grows longer and longer in my head as the day goes by has just consumed me.  But I realized I have been focusing only on the negative.

The days go by and I find myself in this whirlwind of things that have to get done or the world will totally end.  Okay, the world won’t actually end but my  brain may just explode.  Listening to the boys in the other rooms made me stop for just a second and take it all in.  These boys need me.  Even the big boy I like to call my husband.  Yes, it was just dishes but it was bigger than that.  If I didn’t do those dishes my boys wouldn’t have clean plates to eat off.  If I didn’t stop working I wouldn’t be able to see them growing up.  If I didn’t cook every night for them they probably wouldn’t eat.  My husband especially.  I always end up having to check on him at work to see if he’s eaten because he tends not to take care of himself.  These “little” things us moms and wives do on a daily basis is SO BIG in the long run.  Lately, I’ve been so focused on the nitty gritty of it all I forget to look at the big picture.  Especially when you feel unappreciated.  Let’s face it.  Kids do not appreciate their parents.  At least not until they are older.  Our families wouldn’t be able to function without us and I am so proud to say that I put my family first.  These boys get every piece of me.

This post wasn’t even supposed to start off the way it did.  I sat down at the computer planning just a short and sweet post to explain what I’ve been feeling but now I know that’s impossible.  Once I start writing it’s hard to shut me up.  Looking and listening to my children today made me realize how much they need me and how much my husband needs me and my support.  Really, this post is about me.

Today, I realized I am a 28 year old child.  I still need the same things other children need.  I need to be cuddled when I am sad.  I need to be built up when I am feeling down on myself.  I need to be scolded when I act crazy.  I need to be listened to when I want to talk.  I need to be cheered on when I reach an accomplishment.  I need to be loved unconditionally.  I need to be perfect in someones eyes.  I need to be humored.  I need guidance.  I need acceptance.  I need discipline.  I need him.  I need God.  But God already knows that.  Since God can’t be here physically he sent me my own personal angel.  Shiloh Aaron Chauvin.  My husband.

As a 28 year old child I still have tantrums.  I still have crazy ideas.  I still need help making decisions.  Shiloh does all those things for me and more.  Granted I can take care of myself.  Most of our kids nowadays could.  The point of this post is a simple one.  Even though we all grow up (some of us more than others) we still have needs as we always have.  Many of the needs we have as children follow us into adulthood because it’s built into us.  I tend to be real hard on myself and hate asking for help and I hate admitting when something is too hard for me or I get overwhelmed.  Thankfully, I have someone in my life who sees me for who I am.  He accepts me.  He loves me unconditionally.  He knows me better than I know myself.  He’s there always ready to catch me when I fall.  He knows what I need before I know I need it.  He knows what is best for me.

Shiloh, this one is for you.  Thank you for being there for me physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  Not only are you my best friend but you are more than I could ever ask for.  You have given me that feeling of safety and security.  The only other time I’ve felt that has been through my parents when I was very young.  Thank you for believing in me.  In us.  In our family.  You are truly the better half of me and I am eternally grateful to you.  If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be the person I am today.  I wouldn’t be able to stay home with our children and be involved in their lives as much as I am.  I wouldn’t be starting a business.  I wouldn’t be as close to God as I am now.  I wouldn’t be living this life in perfect happiness.  Because I wouldn’t have you.  I cherish every moment we spend together.  I look forward to sharing all aspects of my life with you.  I love you.

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